


Cold Feet

by mew_tsubaki



Series: April Fool, Cold Feet [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, brOTP Matsuhana, have some feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 04:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7604035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mew_tsubaki/pseuds/mew_tsubaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanamaki is good at sabotage. -—Or, a non-serious person is scared by a serious relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Feet

**Author's Note:**

> The Haikyuu! characters belong to Furudate Haruichi-sensei, not to me. Why does "OTP" seem to mean "let's write an unhappy ending"? D8 Read, review, and enjoy!

Matsukawa knew nearly as soon as it happened. So of course he isn't surprised when Hanamaki tells him about dating Yahaba.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Hanamaki growls over at his friend's home. "I thought we do a good job of hiding it."

"Pretty good," Matsukawa assures him, though Hanamaki hasn't decided whether he'll forgive his friend yet for not being surprised. "But we're friends. Friends notice that kind of thing."

Hanamaki drags a hand over his face. "Really?"

"Well…" Matsukawa gives him half a smile. "If it helps, Iwaizumi hasn't noticed. But I think Oikawa's realized by now."

"Oh, crap. I'm screwed. As soon as he decides to start teasing me…"

"I don't think he will. For the same reason I think he's attached to our ace's hip—Oikawa's a romantic at heart."

Oikawa, on his side? Then things really can't be good, Hanamaki bemoans. If Oikawa tries to help or be overly nice for any reason…well, Hanamaki won't be bothered. But he doesn't want Yahaba to be bothered. If Yahaba's bothered, then Hanamaki will be, too.

The thought gives the spiker pause, and it strikes him just how far he's fallen for his kouhai. It's not that Hanamaki never considers another person's feelings, but his happiness has never been dependent on another's happiness before.

Hell. Is this what it's like, being in love?

Matsukawa doesn't have the answer. "Never been in love," the big guy says sheepishly, though there's a twinkle in his eye that Hanamaki's fairly certain has something to do with a certain libero they know. Whatever. It's obvious his friend's useless on the subject.

Still, it makes the usually lighthearted and lazy Hanamaki start to take things a little more seriously. After all, he's only been dating Yahaba for a few months, since this past December, and it's May now. But this is his last year, and the only full year he'll get with Yahaba…

He's got to get this year right. He'll think about the future later.

* * *

Of course, the future doesn't agree with him on the matter.

It's after the Interhigh, after yet another loss to Shiratorizawa. Oikawa's moping, Iwaizumi's collecting the puddle of Oikawa into a bucket to transport home, and the general atmosphere around the team is dark.

Like most times, Hanamaki feels the urge to crack a joke or something—anything to break the tension. But this isn't one of those times, so he looks to the one person who might save him in this situation.

With just a glance, Yahaba understands. He nods, and the two of them lag behind to make sure the team leaves nothing behind at Sendai. They dawdle, but when they're well and truly alone, Hanamaki exhales, and it feels fine to grin, even just a bit. "I think…," he draws out, "Oikawa will beat Ushijima the day I beat Iwaizumi at arm-wrestling."

He's hoping for a decent reaction. Yahaba finds him amusing—goodness knows why—and Hanamaki likes trying to keep him entertained. At least Yahaba smirks. He sticks his hands in his pockets when he smirks. "Maybe."

Oh, now, come on, you tease. Hanamaki almost rolls his eyes. "What? Come on. Where's the quip?" He feigns disappointment.

It works. "Fine. It'll be the day I become as competent as Oikawa as setter." He raises one eyebrow and gives his senpai a long look. "Happy?"

Hanamaki's grin widens, and he bumps Yahaba's shoulder lightly with his fist, a chuckle bubbling up in his chest. "Very," he almost laughs.

They mosey to join the others, but Yahaba says something before they reach the exit. "…hey."

Hanamaki says nothing, indicating he's listening.

"With the Interhigh over…"

Oh. Hanamaki knows instinctively where this is heading. So apparently he's not the only one who's been thinking about the future…

"The spring high…" Damn, Yahaba's expression is killing Hanamaki, chewing his lip like that and looking as though someone just robbed him. "After the spring high, can we make a decision? Then. Not now."

Now, Hanamaki knows that Yahaba likes how cool and easygoing he can be at times—so the third year summons all his strength and doesn't let his panic show. He hadn't expected Yahaba to be the one to bring up the subject. So Hanamaki shrugs after a minute and nods. "Sounds fine to me." He says it with a voice that sounds anything but fine.

At least some tension leaves Yahaba's shoulders, and he smiles a little, though it doesn't reach his eyes. "All right, then. Spring, it is. We'll talk after the tournament."

Hanamaki grins—he always does when he sees that smile—and ruffles Yahaba's hair. It's hard to pull his touch away. Yahaba's hair is soft and the texture is so familiar to Hanamaki now, after countless times of running his hands through it… But he can't leave his hand there, not with them meeting up with the others. "We'll talk," he agrees, and he hopes his voice doesn't betray him.

So it's a promise. And that's when the psychological torment begins.

* * *

The worst thing is, the thing that's causing him the most trouble is the same thing that can cheer him up.

It's just before the spring high prelims in Miyagi and it's colder than it really should be this time of year. Hanamaki could get in some extra practice over the weekend if he wanted, to warm up, but that's too much of a headache. With Kyoutani back, Iwaizumi has his hands full with the wild card as well as Oikawa, and Hanamaki decides his best revenge on Matsukawa for not notifying him that he knew about Hanamaki and Yahaba is to leave Matsukawa to keep the peace at extra practice and keep Iwaizumi from killing the other two.

Yahaba doesn't know what to make of the situation, but he's not against being called out to keep Hanamaki company. And why should he? Hanamaki walked all the way to his place to begin with, which is the sign of a good boyfriend, if Hanamaki knows anything.

They go to an arcade, which is probably unfair because Yahaba is crap at any game that's not volleyball, so Hanamaki wins every time. But he at least wins at a cheap little crane game and catches a keychain. He gives it to Yahaba.

"[It's a mochi](http://le-amewzing.tumblr.com/post/125454408543/its-a-mochi-yahaba-gives-it-an-odd-look-its)." Yahaba gives it an odd look.

"It's cute."

"It's got a _face_ , Hanamaki-san."

Hanamaki laughs. "It suits you."

A brush of pink appears on the apples of the younger boy's cheeks, but he pockets the keychain anyway.

Good grief, Hanamaki loves Yahaba's reactions. He amuses Hanamaki, but it's not just that. Yahaba relaxes him and keeps him smiling. Hanamaki could be standing in front of a speeding car and he would still feel at ease with Yahaba nearby. That's just the effect Yahaba has on him, and he loves it.

* * *

Still…the effect doesn't always work, the spiker understands.

The prelims come and go. Seijou doesn't go as far as they believed they would—the crows of Karasuno managed to become a formidable team in a short amount of time, and they beat Seijou and advanced to play Shiratorizawa. (Yes, they beat Shiratorizawa, but the defeat just isn't the same as if Seijou had been the ones to do it.)

Hanamaki and the other seniors are a mess. They're not the role models they've always been for the juniors. Oikawa, stunningly, withdraws from the club first. After some thinking, Iwaizumi follows suit.

Hanamaki's torn. He knows it's important to study harder so he gets into a good university, but he doesn't want to leave the club just yet. Club's been his life for so long…and those in it…he can't leave them alone.

But ever since making the promise, Yahaba's been giving off this vibe that maybe they're cooling down, that maybe Hanamaki _should_ quit, _should_ focus on his future plans, and put the fancies of high school behind him.

"Are you withdrawing?" Yahaba asks him during clean-up after practice. "The year's not over yet," he adds.

Still, Hanamaki bristles. Is Yahaba encouraging him to leave? Hanamaki lifts his gaze from the mop on the floor and looks at anywhere but Yahaba. He spies Matsukawa, who's content to have Watari chatter at him as they gather the net. Matsukawa probably won't leave until the faculty drags him out of here. So Hanamaki says a childish thing: "I'll leave if Matsukawa does."

Yahaba glances at Matsukawa and Watari, too, but he says nothing. Hanamaki wonders what's crossing his mind…

Damn. There used to be a time when Yahaba was easier to read—not quite an open book, but more like a torn page of a novel, the contents of which reveal all the important highlights.

Now…Yahaba seems firmly shut, and all his pages are in place.

"Ah, hey, are you free after this?" Hanamaki blurts, trying to keep things rolling.

Yahaba blinks, also surprised. "Uh…I guess…but it's kind of late, Hanamaki-san. We should probably just head home."

Not the answer Hanamaki would've liked. He shrugs and doesn't push it.

"Um…we can walk partway home together," Yahaba suggests. It sounds kind of pitying, but at least it's an alternative.

Hanamaki agrees to it, and then they're on their way. The walk home is quiet, and it gives Hanamaki time to think. If Yahaba's really done with the idea of them…then maybe Hanamaki should consider it, too. Maybe it's time to put this relationship to rest.

They come to the point where Yahaba turns off and Hanamaki continues home. But this time Hanamaki stops with Yahaba.

He stares at the setter. One thing—Hanamaki can test if he can let this go for sure by doing one thing. Without preface or even closing his eyes, he kisses Yahaba. It's nothing new, but this is the only way to be sure.

Yahaba ends it before Hanamaki does. He was probably surprised by the suddenness of it, but Hanamaki can't help but feel hurt when Yahaba gently pushes him away. His expression is too hard to read at dusk. "Goodnight, Hanamaki-san."

"'Night," Hanamaki says automatically. He stays rooted to the spot and watches Yahaba leave. Only once Yahaba's well away does he turn to go, missing Yahaba glancing back at him.

What difference would it make if Hanamaki saw that glance anyway? The kiss confirmed it:

Yahaba's had his fun.

And Hanamaki is still his willing victim.

* * *

Hanamaki never thought he'd be in this kind of situation. He never thought he'd fall in love so, so… _hopelessly_. He hadn't even been the one to confess.

That'd been Yahaba. Yahaba with his too-wide eyes and too-eager attitude—he'd blurted "Go out with me" when they'd just been hanging out on the roof during lunch a year ago. They'd been growing close, sure, and Hanamaki had thought that maybe Yahaba admired him as he admired the other second years at the time.

But Hanamaki humored him and tried something out, just to see if maybe Yahaba was on to something (the kid was smart—he was in the college prep class; Hanamaki wasn't). He'd kissed him…and the buzz of electricity that books and movies talked about wasn't a lie, but it was more of a pleasant tingling that ran the length of his body. Yahaba had a crush on him, and the kiss told Hanamaki that he'd probably been leaning Yahaba's way, too.

And then everything after that had been…well, it'd just been. It was as though everything clicked into place, and Hanamaki eventually forgot what it was like to have been without a Yahaba Shigeru in his life.

But now Hanamaki's got to think about what it'll be like to live without him. He's got to start putting distance between them, because that's what Yahaba wants, even if he hasn't said as much in plain words yet. Besides, Hanamaki knows he'll be graduating, and that means leaving Yahaba behind.

He doesn't want to, but Hanamaki doesn't know what else to do.

* * *

His eighteenth birthday falls on the last weekend of January. Pushing thoughts of a certain setter aside, he makes plans with Matsukawa and the others.

"Yay~ Party at Makki's~" Oikawa chirps the morning he, Iwaizumi, and Matsukawa arrive. "Pardon the intrusion!"

"No one's home, so don't worry about the noise," Hanamaki tells Iwaizumi, who looks ready to clock their captain for the ruckus. The ace deflates at that.

Hanamaki's friends enter his home and quickly make it their own. But Matsukawa motions Hanamaki into the kitchen.

"What?" the spiker asks.

"It's really just us here?"

"Yeah…? Who were you expecting? The whole team?"

"No." Matsukawa's eyebrows are textbook-thick, so when he furrows them, he furrows them. "What about Yahaba?"

Hanamaki bristles.

His best friend sighs. "I thought so. How much have you talked to him lately?"

"I talk to him. In club."

"And text, call?"

Hanamaki grimaces. "Don't start, Matsukawa…"

Luckily for him, the taller male isn't one to get something started. But his expression is surprisingly admonishing. He shakes his head and joins Oikawa and Iwaizumi in the living room, where Hanamaki set up his game system. Thankfully, Hanamaki can enjoy the distraction, and they find themselves caught up in a tag-team game where the real-life snacks his friends brought are at stake.

Time flies, and Hanamaki's laughing, genuinely laughing with them. Man, he misses these times. He just hopes that the four of them can still enjoy reprieves like this months from now, wherever they are.

The doorbell rings. Iwaizumi offers to get it since Hanamaki's the birthday boy, but Hanamaki turns him down. "You're my guests," he insists, "and if that doesn't work, Iwaizumi, then the birthday boy declares that everyone keeps playing. It's probably just my parents popping in, though they promised they'd be back later tonight."

The game is paused, and Hanamaki hurries. He opens the door—and gapes at the person standing there. No. No, no, no, no, _no_ , dammit. This wasn't supposed to happen. Hadn't he had his fun? "But…" Whatever Hanamaki is about to say dies on his lips.

Yahaba gives him a look, as if he doesn't understand Hanamaki's reaction. "'But' what? Don't give me that. It's your eighteenth birthday, Hanamaki-san. I thought I'd surprise you."

"Oh, uh…" Hanamaki hates the heat that crawls up his neck and around the front to his cheeks. _Damn_. Yahaba always keeps him on his toes. Although, now that Hanamaki thinks about it, Matsukawa's scolding about texting Yahaba floats back into his mind. Hadn't Yahaba texted him about possibly dropping by that weekend on Hanamaki's birthday?

"Makki!" Oikawa calls from the living room, snapping the spiker out of his stupor. "Come _on_! It's your turn!"

Hanamaki glances back at the living room, and a large part of him is relieved they can't see the door from there. Otherwise this day could take a very bad turn. He faces Yahaba.

The setter sighs. "I get it," Yahaba says. "You have the others over. I'll leave." He turns to go without any prompting.

"Yahaba—"

Yahaba halts and turns to him.

Hanamaki bites his lower lip. He can't think straight, not when Yahaba's the one being impulsive. "Sorry…," he mumbles at last, hating how lame he sounds. "Maybe later?" He just doesn't want to open Yahaba to any possible scrutiny, especially this close to the end of the school year.

"Sure," Yahaba answers, and he seems so blasé as he leaves. Hanamaki can't help but feel frustrated about that.

Back at the party, the others sense the change in him. "Hanamaki?" Iwaizumi asks. Even Oikawa's face falls a bit.

But Hanamaki forces a smile. "It was nothing. Hey, so who's about to get themselves blown up?"

Oikawa whips his head back to the TV. "Ah! No, that's me…!"

Matsukawa gives Hanamaki a brief glance, but Hanamaki holds on to his fake smile for dear life and doesn't let his friend question him. It's his birthday after all, and he'll be damned if he can't escape reality if only for a few hours.

* * *

Escape only lasts so long.

Some part of Hanamaki is determined not to go back on his word, so he continues going to club since Matsukawa continues to attend. But he and Yahaba are talking less and less…well, frankly, they're not talking at all.

Hanamaki wants to, and he tries—but the words always fail him, and he ends up more frustrated than before with each attempt. So he takes to letting his eyes follow Yahaba around the gym.

That doesn't seem like a wise decision, however. Hanamaki wonders if his eyes are playing tricks on him…but Kyoutani's looking Yahaba's way more often. It could be just that the dynamics between the two second years changed after their altercation at the Karasuno match (some of the first years told the seniors about it after). And yet…

The more Hanamaki sees Kyoutani following Yahaba with his eyes, the more the sinking feeling in Hanamaki's stomach grows. Worse still, he begins to wonder if maybe the wild child is part of the next stage of Yahaba's life…

…and if he, himself, is now just a fragment of Yahaba's past.

* * *

Hanamaki Takahiro has never seen Matsukawa Issei pissed. Until now.

"Get it together," Matsukawa scolds him. He isn't _really_ angry, but he's definitely tired of hearing Hanamaki's complaints. " _Talk_ to Yahaba. Nothing can be solved unless you communicate."

Hanamaki stops retorting at least, but he's really just keeping his thoughts to himself now. Even those about Kyoutani.

It doesn't help that, one practice in February, he sees Kyoutani touch Yahaba's hair. A bug in the setter's hair—that's Mad Dog's excuse. Damn him.

And damn Yahaba, for looking Kyoutani's way when the player walks away.

The whole scene gives Hanamaki a stomachache, to be honest. A part of him longs for graduation now, and university, because it was bad enough losing to Karasuno and feeling as though he didn't quite belong to the volleyball club anymore. But with this?

He really doesn't have a place here anymore.

* * *

It's late March. Hanamaki no longer goes to club, but he isn't so childish that he forgot at least to compose and send a nice text for Yahaba's birthday at the start of the month. Hanamaki gets a text reminder from Yahaba about their promise: _-Rooftop? Tomorrow?_

Hanamaki pinches the bridge of his nose, exhausted. Why does Yahaba do this to him? Hasn't he already made up his mind?

In the end, Hanamaki pretends he never saw it. Matsukawa picks up his friend's phone and looks at the text just to see what has Hanamaki clammed up, but he says nothing and pretends he never saw it, either.

(Just for a day.)

* * *

The day arrives, and Matsukawa gives it one last shot. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" he reminds Hanamaki.

"Nope," the spiker manages around a mouthful of bento.

The middle blocker shakes his head and sighs. "Don't be so childish, Hanamaki…"

"'M mnot," Hanamaki grumbles.

Matsukawa takes his lunch from him, forcing Hanamaki to look him in the eye. "Hanamaki. Just hear me out, okay?"

Well, considering Matsukawa took his lunch, looks as though Hanamaki's got no other choice.

"I'll get right to the point—I've never seen you happier than when you were with Yahaba…and I've never seen you so shattered since you let your doubts get to you. So just go talk to him at least." He gives him a small, sad, encouraging smile. "You owe him that much."

Hanamaki swallows his mouthful and stares at his friend's desk. The thing is, he knows Matsukawa's right. He just doesn't want to believe Matsukawa's right. But he doesn't need to be cajoled anymore.

Matsukawa promises he'll return his lunch after he's back from the roof. "Even if you're late to class," he swears.

Hanamaki heads to the roof, but each step is slower than the last. His doubts come rushing to the front of his mind, and his heart starts racing with panic. What if—what if—what if—

He closes his eyes, tightly, and attempts to clear his mind of "what ifs." He summons instead his happy memories with Yahaba, and they propel him forward even as the first bell rings and tells him lunch is over.

But he never makes it to the roof. Instead, he sees Yahaba in passing.

Kyoutani is right behind him.

The worst part is how Yahaba looks. He isn't sad or happy or—he's just…he looks as though Hanamaki isn't a worry for him any longer. He talks too easily with Kyoutani, and they never see him as they walk by.

Hanamaki kicks himself and his appetite disappears. Matsukawa had been right. He'd sabotaged things himself, and he'd thrown away his last chance—

—a chance that now belongs to someone else.

**Author's Note:**

> YOWCH. *angst* I just… I need to write some more fluffy Hanayaha, because this fic hurt to write… D: If you didn't read "April Fool," you probably should—you'd like it if you enjoyed this. Also, Matsuwata because they're adorable. I also just really love Matsukawa…and the third years as friends in general. :3 But yeah. Too much angst… HANAMAKI, YOU GIT.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review! Check out my other fics if you enjoyed this! Also, the link in the line "It's a mochi" is for the art I drew of that scene. :'3
> 
> -mew! :'}


End file.
